You might be in recovery with a “nice guy” if:

He faithfully goes to therapy or group but you’re not sure what, if anything, is changing.

You and everyone else was *shocked* that he had a secret life – especially a sexual one.

Your therapist or coach has said “He’s a really great guy. I like him.”

Your friends and family think you’re living the dream with Prince Charming.

He never skips church – even when deep in addiction.

He never seems to have the time to read or listen to the resources you suggest.

He has a great reputation because he’s in a helping profession, the military, or he’s a devoted family man.

Even though he’s been sober, you feel as if you’re still waiting for the “other shoe to drop.”

He hasn’t been sexually faithful, but he’s a great dad!

He’s “doing recovery” but you feel stuck and he says you’re the problem.

By nearly all standards, he’s “successful” and you’ve had a nice life together before Dday.

You didn’t think anything could be worse than Dday only to discover life with your “sober” spouse is lonely, painful, or worse than before.

He wants his marriage and says he will provide for you financially, so why wasn’t he faithful?

As I type these, my heart goes out to any betrayed partner in this place. I am married to a “nice guy” in recovery. He’s a rule-follower, he’s smart, and uber responsible. Beyond that, he’s sweet and funny…and interesting! He was a leader in our faith community. For decades, I watched him be highly conscientious – he was predictable and wise. I mean ALL the time. Some guys are this way in public but not-so-nice at home, in private. While others, like Phil, are wonderful in public AND at home.

This series is about the latter category. I will share a lot of information and some hypotheses as I try to make sense out of what has been the biggest mindf*ck of our recovery journey – the good-guy-sex-addict dichotomy. If you’re in recovery with this kind of addict, I bet you’re at a loss for good counsel. For my own healing I had to park here for a long time and figure this “split” out. So read along with me as I share where I’ve landed – I bet you’ll find some truths to help make sense of your madness..er I mean marriage. 😉 Cause girlfriend, ain’t no crazy like good-guy-sex-addict crazy. The videos below are a great place to start. I’ll meet you over at Part 2.

*If your nice guy has been unfaithful, make sure you watch part 5