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Category: addiction

Addiction 101: RECAP!!!! (and some gold nuggets)

Addiction 101: RECAP!!!! (and some gold nuggets)

Friends, this series is now complete!! It would mean the world to me if you share it with recovery friends and those in ministry who want to learn more about sex addiction. I can’t believe it took me 12 months to get it “on paper” (that’s embarrassing)… Here is the complete series: Maturity Why Sex Addiction is Different What How Who, Why, and When Simply Sober Fantasy Parts and Dissociation Narcissism and Predators IA and RCs Control and OCD Deception…

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Addiction 101, Part 14: The Key

Addiction 101, Part 14: The Key

In the previous post we covered how the painful feeling of shame makes us hide from relationship, which makes us run to addiction to numb, which makes us ashamed after we act out. Shame fuels addiction and addiction fuels shame. Is there a key to unlock this pesky cycle? Actually, yes! But it requires a broader understanding of what addiction is. Some call it a boundary disorder. Some call it an intimacy disorder. Yes, both true. But I like how…

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Addiction 101, Part 13: Shame

Addiction 101, Part 13: Shame

Shame is a force that is affecting your recovery and relationship, whether you’re conscious of it or not. Of all the topics covered in this series, getting a handle on shame will probably give you the most immediate relief. It took us a while to see shame for what it is. While this post won’t be exhaustive, it will lay out what we learned to make progress in putting shame in its place. The NUMBER ONE rule about shame is:…

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Addiction 101, Part 12: Deception

Addiction 101, Part 12: Deception

As the old adage goes: How do you know if an addict is lying? If their mouth is moving. Addiction and lying are inseparable. More than anything, the vast web of lies and deceit her partner has spun for years is what leaves a betrayed partner immobilized and hopeless about rebuilding any kind of trust or future. Especially for couples from faith traditions, the ability the addict has to lie – often by omitting important truths – leaves the faithful…

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Addiction 101, Part 11: Control and OCD

Addiction 101, Part 11: Control and OCD

After reading the title of this post, you probably wanted to skip over it – BORING snoozer. Well this topic is anything BUT boring. Hang onto your hats, Sisters. Do you like mystery, thriller stories? One of the most popular genres of horror films is the who-dunnit shock thriller where, at the very end of the movie, you find out the bad guy was the person you least expected!! We find this entertaining because it’s so hard to believe. These…

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Addiction 101, Part 10: IA and RCs

Addiction 101, Part 10: IA and RCs

One of the most awkward and painful experiences for a parter healing from betrayal trauma must be attending weddings. We see the groom pledging his undying love and commitment to the giddy, believing wife. “I will always be there for you. I will serve you. I will never tire of gazing into your eyes. Every morning I will make you coffee and every night I’ll let you cry on my shoulder.” It’s even more awkward when you’re trying to help…

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Addiction 101, Part 9: Narcissism and Predators

Addiction 101, Part 9: Narcissism and Predators

Especially in the early days of recovery, I consumed an unbelievable amount of resources! Books, podcasts, online conferences, etc. Even in that vast sea of information, sometimes, years later, a random quote from a random podcast can sound in my head and answer a hundred questions. I was listening to a podcast from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. One survivor said “I think when a person has been perpetrated against, a touch of that perpetrator energy can be inside…

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Addiction 101, Part 8: Parts and Dissociation

Addiction 101, Part 8: Parts and Dissociation

In Megyn Kelly’s memoir, she tells a story from her teen years of complaining to her dad one night in December as he sat by the Christmas tree. Her parents couldn’t afford her class ring, and she was upset and stormed off to bed. That was the last time she saw her dad because he had a lethal heart attack that night. Megyn was behaving as a typical adolescent – obsessed with self and peers. Teenagers don’t understand making financial…

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Addiction 101, Part 7: Fantasy

Addiction 101, Part 7: Fantasy

In one of my favorite books on addiction, Unbroken Brain, author Maia Szalavitz does a great job of laying out how the addicted brain is much like the adolescent brain. If you haven’t had the privilege of hanging out with a teenager recently, I’ll refresh your memory. They’re moody, generally oblivious about responsibilities or chores that need to be done. They’re easily offended, hopelessly self-oriented, grandiose, and thrill-seeking. Szalavitz invites us to think about who our high school class elected…

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