Part 1 – Videos on Nice Guys and Pseudo Alpha Males Part 2 – Personality Structure Part 3 – Personality Disorders Part 4 – The Spectrum of an Abuser Part 5 – His Double Life, Her Cognitive Dissonance Part 6 – More on My Story’s Tipping Point Part 7 – Tips for Her Part 8 – Tips for Him While I was writing this series I saw these socks for sale (post photo)! We know better, ladies. Being a so-called…
Our nice guy husbands don’t seem like narcissists. They’re charming rule-followers, often Christians. So I understand if you have trouble considering that your good guy might be struggling with a personality disorder or a smattering of traits from a few. When I hear the word “narcissist” I think “hollow core.” This word is ubiquitous and means different things to different people. This doesn’t diminish the fact that addicts have narcissistic traits which cause harm to relationships and partners. Narcs have…
Part of what is so maddening about being in recovery with a nice guy is that you’re confronted with what looks like very kind and mature behavior alongside things like deception, betrayal, and even harmful behavior. Here is one duped wife’s account. Many unhealthy folks engaging in the latter kinds of things you can see coming from a mile away. Their lives are littered with broken relationships, immaturity, and aimlessness. Society hasn’t caught up to the notion that one can…
Nice guys actually are nice in many ways – I know this is hard to understand when we are experiencing trauma due to their betrayal. Nice guys who have given themselves to addiction and cheating behaviors are experiencing a deeper level of dysfunction that requires more treatment and attention. In my opinion, once a person has given themselves over to betraying behaviors, serious treatment is needed because they’re very unhealthy. In the previous post, Saad said that sex addiction is…
I find several things about Abdul Saad’s theories brilliant! Did this give you clarity that your spouse is more of one than the other or did you feel like he has characteristics of both a pseudo alpha male and a nice guy? Did he start out nice then become more alpha as he took the downward spiral that Saad talked about in video 5? The truth is that humans have created psychological classifications/categories to try and make sense of human…
Wow! This podcast episode by Helping Couples Heal is on point regarding feeling stuck! Marnie and Duane hit the nail on the head.
It’s been a long time since I’ve written a post for you. Jane requested a post on 1, 2, 3…so here I am, sitting and writing about something I noticed in him, but did not notice in myself until I was asked about it. Most of you have read some of my posts and know that my marriage is in its 3rd decade. You know that I was blindsided in 2018 with a therapeutic disclosure wherein my “husband” shared all…
Friends, this series is now complete!! It would mean the world to me if you share it with recovery friends and those in ministry who want to learn more about sex addiction. I can’t believe it took me 12 months to get it “on paper” (that’s embarrassing)… Here is the complete series: Maturity Why Sex Addiction is Different What How Who, Why, and When Simply Sober Fantasy Parts and Dissociation Narcissism and Predators IA and RCs Control and OCD Deception…
As the old adage goes: How do you know if an addict is lying? If their mouth is moving. Addiction and lying are inseparable. More than anything, the vast web of lies and deceit her partner has spun for years is what leaves a betrayed partner immobilized and hopeless about rebuilding any kind of trust or future. Especially for couples from faith traditions, the ability the addict has to lie – often by omitting important truths – leaves the faithful…
I was a psychology geek before I became a betrayed wife. When I was 7 years old, I was mesmerized when I saw John Bradshaw interviewed by Oprah. It made an impact. I love people. I love learning about how we think, function and behave. If I knew you, I’d love to sit at a coffee shop and hear your story. With betrayal trauma brain, I can’t apply past knowledge to MY situation very well, but somehow I can take…