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Author: Jane Dough

Christian wife and mom currently healing from betrayal trauma experienced nearly 21 years into marriage. Blogging to give back to other betrayed women pursuing healing.
Coming to Terms, Part 1 of 3

Coming to Terms, Part 1 of 3

Hearing Dr. Jake Porter explain how infidelity causes the filing system of a partner’s brain to “explode” resonates, doesn’t it? Here we are, ladies, with all our files, memories, and self-concepts dumped all over the place. We don’t know where to begin putting ourselves back together, but we want so desperately to function again. The thought of living under these new circumstances is daunting! In this day in time, most marriages fail. I’d say usually both parties are happy about…

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Who’s the Victim Here?

Who’s the Victim Here?

My last post needs one clarification for betrayed partners. It was about how addicts are accustomed to playing the victim role and staying stuck there, which feeds the addiction cycle. But what about the fact that betrayed wives ARE in fact victims? Is it bad for us to be the victim? I’m glad you asked. 🙂 If being dropped into the world of infidelity and betrayal has taught you anything, it’s taught you that our society is upside-down about many…

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Jane’s 5 Favorite Podcasts

Jane’s 5 Favorite Podcasts

You’ll notice I like to share a lot of podcasts! Do you like listening to podcasts? While sex addiction treatment is a still-relatively-new thing, the few working in this field do a great job of disseminating information via books, conferences, and podcasts. Thank GOD! Here are the podcasts I like: The Betrayed, the Addicted and the Expert Sex Help with Carol the Coach APSATS Radio Restored 2 More Helping Couples Heal Find the links and a longer list here. What…

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What Meat Loaf and Your Husband Have in Common

What Meat Loaf and Your Husband Have in Common

After discovering your partner has been sexually unfaithful and lying to you for years, you feel like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole where nothing is as it once seemed, like Alice in Wonderland. There was a day when you both stood in front of all the important people in your life and pledged to forsake all others and be committed to each other until you die. You kept that pledge. You had no reason to believe your partner wasn’t….

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Survival Truths

Survival Truths

This Thanks For Sharing podcast on betrayal trauma is very good! While this podcast is largely about dating, Dr. Stan Tatkin verbalized what my heart has been trying to communicate for a while! I bet you’ll love it too! I’ll post dialogue below, but there’s some good truth here starting at about minute 26:30: Tatkin speaking to the faithful partner in couples who have lost trust due to betrayal when they ask “Are you committed to me? Can we even…

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The Peculiarities of My Story

The Peculiarities of My Story

One of the main reasons I wanted to start a blog is because there are some unique facets to my betrayal story that I don’t hear much about. I wanted to provide a connection point for others dealing with some of the same details as me to let you know that you aren’t alone. Don’t get me wrong, the “sameness” of our stories makes us feel sane and gives us hope to journey on. When I hear a betrayed wife’s…

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How to Calm

How to Calm

I get it – the fear is REAL. We are dealing with serious consequences, devastating pain to the people we love the most, shame, public humiliation, being faced with possible divorce, job loss and more. Given the fact that our brains are in trauma-mode, how can we calm? I’ll never forget my first coach’s words: “Don’t let your circumstances make you doubt God’s nature.” God didn’t betray me, my husband did. 2 Timothy 4:17&18 “But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me… So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 18 The Lord will rescue me from  every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him  be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” Her advice,…

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Out of Hiding

Out of Hiding

“I’ll be your lighthouse when you’re lost at sea. I will illuminate everything. No need to be frightened by intimacy. Throw off your fear and come running to me!”

Trauma vs. Suffering, part 4 of 4

Trauma vs. Suffering, part 4 of 4

In this series we’ve covered how trauma is more than suffering. Trauma acts like a sledgehammer on a person’s brain. Traumatized brains don’t function in an integrated manner, making it nearly impossible to process our new reality and heal. Your very survival and self-concept have suffered a mortal blow. We have a severely-decreased capacity to handle life… We must take the healing process seriously. Your brain, body, and heart must feel SAFE to heal. No matter what happens, you CAN…

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