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Category: intimacy anorexia

Deeper Thoughts on Enmeshment

Deeper Thoughts on Enmeshment

(This video belongs to Seeking Integrity and Jon Taylor of White Pine Recovery. Taylor works with Dr. Ken Adams, a pioneer in the phere of mother-enmeshment. I’ve compiled a few clips of his recent video for this blog post. Many thanks to all for putting this material into the recovery community. Please check out their websites and ascribe them for this video content.) Please excuse my crude video tactics and the poor audio. I’ve recorded clips of this excellent video…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 7 of 9

Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 7 of 9

Our nice guy husbands don’t seem like narcissists. They’re charming rule-followers, often Christians. So I understand if you have trouble considering that your good guy might be struggling with a personality disorder or a smattering of traits from a few. When I hear the word “narcissist” I think “hollow core.” This word is ubiquitous and means different things to different people. This doesn’t diminish the fact that addicts have narcissistic traits which cause harm to relationships and partners. Narcs have…

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Ghost of Christmas Past

Ghost of Christmas Past

I don’t know why in the fog and shock of the discovery of infidelity wives think about Christmas! My Dday was in April, but for some reason I asked “Did you look at p*rn in December?” It mattered to me. Christmas can be a haunting reminder of the years and decades that we were being actively deceived and hurt. Maybe in secret or maybe in the wide open for all to see. We can’t understand that our partner could enjoy…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 4 of 9

Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 4 of 9

Part of what is so maddening about being in recovery with a nice guy is that you’re confronted with what looks like very kind and mature behavior alongside things like deception, betrayal, and even harmful behavior. Here is one duped wife’s account. Many unhealthy folks engaging in the latter kinds of things you can see coming from a mile away. Their lives are littered with broken relationships, immaturity, and aimlessness. Society hasn’t caught up to the notion that one can…

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1, 2, 3….. Becoming Someone Different–Both of Us

1, 2, 3….. Becoming Someone Different–Both of Us

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a post for you. Jane requested a post on 1, 2, 3…so here I am, sitting and writing about something I noticed in him, but did not notice in myself until I was asked about it. Most of you have read some of my posts and know that my marriage is in its 3rd decade. You know that I was blindsided in 2018 with a therapeutic disclosure wherein my “husband” shared all…

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Addiction 101, Part 10: IA and RCs

Addiction 101, Part 10: IA and RCs

One of the most awkward and painful experiences for a parter healing from betrayal trauma must be attending weddings. We see the groom pledging his undying love and commitment to the giddy, believing wife. “I will always be there for you. I will serve you. I will never tire of gazing into your eyes. Every morning I will make you coffee and every night I’ll let you cry on my shoulder.” It’s even more awkward when you’re trying to help…

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