Nice guys actually are nice in many ways – I know this is hard to understand when we are experiencing trauma due to their betrayal. Nice guys who have given themselves to addiction and cheating behaviors are experiencing a deeper level of dysfunction that requires more treatment and attention. In my opinion, once a person has given themselves over to betraying behaviors, serious treatment is needed because they’re very unhealthy. In the previous post, Saad said that sex addiction is like “athlete’s foot of the mind.” Sex addiction and narcissistic traits are inextricably linked. Most people dealing with nice guys aren’t going to think they struggle with traits of narcissism. Saad did explain, though, that nice guys who are in a downward spiral will start behaving like an alpha male. If you married a nice guy to discover his dark side many years later, it’s a very confusing experience. After all, this is the person you trusted to have your back more than anyone in the world because you had their back.

Narcs feel justified in hurting others, and sex addicts lie to themselves so they can get away with hurting others. They’re detached from reality and the impact their choices have on those around them. They use people. When we learn that our nice guy has been sexual outside of our marriage agreement, he has used lies and deception to protect his acting out, and that he was treating other people in very unseemly even violent ways, we move from dealing with merely an immature person to an abusive and harmful person who will need specialized treatment to heal. Nice guys aren’t going to want to see this about himself, but he must face his shadow and the reality of his choices.

Because narcissism can manifest in various ways, I’ve shared several videos about more vulnerable types of narcissism.

Here is a great podcast on the topic.