Today I am starting a long series on the basics of addiction. The series will contain about 20 posts. I hope you’ll go on this learning journey with me because I am certain it’s imperative the partner of an addict must be able to identify addiction in its tracks for her own health and safety. Addiction education helps the addict even more! This topic must begin and end with the issue of maturity. When we are talking about maturity, we…
In the aftermath of sexual betrayal, it’s hard to understand or verbalize exactly what all this means. But you know your life will never be the same. You even wonder if life can be good…. This post is about coming to terms with what’s required to heal your marriage; which, is worth noting, is different than healing as an individual. As I’ve tried so desperately to make sense out of the insanity that IS sexual addiction, a great aid was…
A lot of my struggle with coming to terms with my marriage after Dday is that I know what kind of relationship we had for almost 21 years before discovery. We did have a strange season in the early years of our marriage that didn’t include sexual acting out, but it did require quite a bit of counseling and healing. We put the work in and had a very good relationship for years. Many friends told me they envied the…
Hearing Dr. Jake Porter explain how infidelity causes the filing system of a partner’s brain to “explode” resonates, doesn’t it? Here we are, ladies, with all our files, memories, and self-concepts dumped all over the place. We don’t know where to begin putting ourselves back together, but we want so desperately to function again. The thought of living under these new circumstances is daunting! In this day in time, most marriages fail. I’d say usually both parties are happy about…
My last post needs one clarification for betrayed partners. It was about how addicts are accustomed to playing the victim role and staying stuck there, which feeds the addiction cycle. But what about the fact that betrayed wives ARE in fact victims? Is it bad for us to be the victim? I’m glad you asked. 🙂 If being dropped into the world of infidelity and betrayal has taught you anything, it’s taught you that our society is upside-down about many…
You’ll notice I like to share a lot of podcasts! Do you like listening to podcasts? While sex addiction treatment is a still-relatively-new thing, the few working in this field do a great job of disseminating information via books, conferences, and podcasts. Thank GOD! Here are the podcasts I like: The Betrayed, the Addicted and the Expert Sex Help with Carol the Coach APSATS Radio Restored 2 More Helping Couples Heal Find the links and a longer list here. What…
After discovering your partner has been sexually unfaithful and lying to you for years, you feel like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole where nothing is as it once seemed, like Alice in Wonderland. There was a day when you both stood in front of all the important people in your life and pledged to forsake all others and be committed to each other until you die. You kept that pledge. You had no reason to believe your partner wasn’t….
I’m reading a few books, one of which is a book of 52 devotions written by Margaret Feinberg. The title is More Power to You — Declarations to Break Free From Fear & Take Back Your Life. She starts the book with a 90-second daily challenge wherein you read the daily declarations out loud. All of her declarations are based on who God says I am. And I believe every one of them with all my heart. I know these…
This Thanks For Sharing podcast on betrayal trauma is very good! While this podcast is largely about dating, Dr. Stan Tatkin verbalized what my heart has been trying to communicate for a while! I bet you’ll love it too! I’ll post dialogue below, but there’s some good truth here starting at about minute 26:30: Tatkin speaking to the faithful partner in couples who have lost trust due to betrayal when they ask “Are you committed to me? Can we even…
One of the main reasons I wanted to start a blog is because there are some unique facets to my betrayal story that I don’t hear much about. I wanted to provide a connection point for others dealing with some of the same details as me to let you know that you aren’t alone. Don’t get me wrong, the “sameness” of our stories makes us feel sane and gives us hope to journey on. When I hear a betrayed wife’s…