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Category: boundaries

Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 7 of 9

Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 7 of 9

Our nice guy husbands don’t seem like narcissists. They’re charming rule-followers, often Christians. So I understand if you have trouble considering that your good guy might be struggling with a personality disorder or a smattering of traits from a few. When I hear the word “narcissist” I think “hollow core.” This word is ubiquitous and means different things to different people. This doesn’t diminish the fact that addicts have narcissistic traits which cause harm to relationships and partners. Narcs have…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 6 of 9

Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 6 of 9

As I share about this season in our story, I feel the tone getting darker. I do believe there is hope, but recovery journeys can get worse before they get better. Ours did! And I think it needed to be that way to uncover real roots of the addiction. I don’t think many partners are prepared for that to happen, and it does quite a bit. If you need hope around this issue, hang with me. I promise in a…

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Ghost of Christmas Past

Ghost of Christmas Past

I don’t know why in the fog and shock of the discovery of infidelity wives think about Christmas! My Dday was in April, but for some reason I asked “Did you look at p*rn in December?” It mattered to me. Christmas can be a haunting reminder of the years and decades that we were being actively deceived and hurt. Maybe in secret or maybe in the wide open for all to see. We can’t understand that our partner could enjoy…

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The Turtle Tribe

The Turtle Tribe

Hi Friends, Well it’s been several weeks back when I started a series on addiction. I fully intended to share several posts in this series in rapid succession – I was excited about it, too! So what happened? An adult child needed extra support. Work picked up. The holidays came. We took a very long road trip. It’s February. I’m only now beginning to breathe again after all the busyness. I had to take a break from the blog –…

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What Meat Loaf and Your Husband Have in Common

What Meat Loaf and Your Husband Have in Common

After discovering your partner has been sexually unfaithful and lying to you for years, you feel like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole where nothing is as it once seemed, like Alice in Wonderland. There was a day when you both stood in front of all the important people in your life and pledged to forsake all others and be committed to each other until you die. You kept that pledge. You had no reason to believe your partner wasn’t….

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Trauma vs. Suffering, part 3 of 4

Trauma vs. Suffering, part 3 of 4

In part 2, we looked at how trauma reduces our capacity. With that in mind, I want to share the six things I think are most important to healing betrayal trauma over time. This process will take years. However these trauma-healing practices are gold! God will use these things for your good for decades to come. They’re tools of healing you can pass onto to others, too! Your healing is your daily priority, not your husband’s sobriety and not the…

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