As a single guy, my husband had a serious porn addiction (although we didn’t know to call it that in the 1990s). He had some sobriety under his belt when we started dating. He confessed his issues up front and we got counsel from wise people at our church who were confident in us moving toward marriage. Despite some mental health struggles in the early years of marriage, Phil didn’t “act out” with self-stimulation or porn. We were very careful…
As I wake up in the early morning darkness and lay quietly in the warmth of my bed, I notice the quiet all around me, the stillness of just me, alone, in a peaceful place. I’ve moved into a small apartment on our property. It has been very healing to be there alone and think, pray, and just be still with God. I have done quite a bit of healing through an ETT intensive (3-day session), and I no longer…
Hi Friends, Well it’s been several weeks back when I started a series on addiction. I fully intended to share several posts in this series in rapid succession – I was excited about it, too! So what happened? An adult child needed extra support. Work picked up. The holidays came. We took a very long road trip. It’s February. I’m only now beginning to breathe again after all the busyness. I had to take a break from the blog –…
Before betrayal, I had never heard of the term “self-care”. When I was asked about what I did for “self-care”, I didn’t have a clue. I was a momma, a wife, a daughter, a friend…my days were spent serving others (with love). My therapist and my coach said I needed to spend some time doing “self-care” just for me. So, for the first time in my life, I began to get my nails done, every month, along with a pedicure;…
My last post needs one clarification for betrayed partners. It was about how addicts are accustomed to playing the victim role and staying stuck there, which feeds the addiction cycle. But what about the fact that betrayed wives ARE in fact victims? Is it bad for us to be the victim? I’m glad you asked. 🙂 If being dropped into the world of infidelity and betrayal has taught you anything, it’s taught you that our society is upside-down about many…
You’ll notice I like to share a lot of podcasts! Do you like listening to podcasts? While sex addiction treatment is a still-relatively-new thing, the few working in this field do a great job of disseminating information via books, conferences, and podcasts. Thank GOD! Here are the podcasts I like: The Betrayed, the Addicted and the Expert Sex Help with Carol the Coach APSATS Radio Restored 2 More Helping Couples Heal Find the links and a longer list here. What…
I’m reading a few books, one of which is a book of 52 devotions written by Margaret Feinberg. The title is More Power to You — Declarations to Break Free From Fear & Take Back Your Life. She starts the book with a 90-second daily challenge wherein you read the daily declarations out loud. All of her declarations are based on who God says I am. And I believe every one of them with all my heart. I know these…
In this series we’ve covered how trauma is more than suffering. Trauma acts like a sledgehammer on a person’s brain. Traumatized brains don’t function in an integrated manner, making it nearly impossible to process our new reality and heal. Your very survival and self-concept have suffered a mortal blow. We have a severely-decreased capacity to handle life… We must take the healing process seriously. Your brain, body, and heart must feel SAFE to heal. No matter what happens, you CAN…
In part 2, we looked at how trauma reduces our capacity. With that in mind, I want to share the six things I think are most important to healing betrayal trauma over time. This process will take years. However these trauma-healing practices are gold! God will use these things for your good for decades to come. They’re tools of healing you can pass onto to others, too! Your healing is your daily priority, not your husband’s sobriety and not the…