series Archives - Journey Through Heartbreak

The Bog of Despond, Part 2 of 6 – Paradigm Shifts

November 4, 2022 Jane Dough

In the 90’s I fell in love with a quirky movie called “Clifford” about a charming boy who leaves a wake of destruction en route to his place of bliss – an amusement park called Dinosaur World. He’s under the care of his uncle, whom Clifford has driven to temporary madness. My favorite part of the movie is when his uncle, after a series of disastrous losses that Clifford unleashes upon him, tries to have an instructive, corrective conversation with…

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The Bog of Despond, Part 1 of 6 – Middle Recovery

October 25, 2022 Jane Dough

Discovery, disclosure, and polygraph are all terribly painful. However during that season, there can be hope for a better future. Also, we have a team of professionals on board to help us get to the other side. Often we’ve even been promised that if we make it through to the other side of disclosure, we’ll have a marriage far better than what we thought we had before Dday. Usually partners decide the new-and-improved relationship is worth the pain that accompanies…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Summary

January 23, 2022 Jane Dough

Part 1 – Videos on Nice Guys and Pseudo Alpha Males Part 2 – Personality Structure Part 3 – Personality Disorders Part 4 – The Spectrum of an Abuser Part 5 – His Double Life, Her Cognitive Dissonance Part 6 – More on My Story’s Tipping Point Part 7 – Tips for Her Part 8 – Tips for Him While I was writing this series I saw these socks for sale (post photo)! We know better, ladies. Being a so-called…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 8 of 9

January 15, 2022 Jane Dough

This post of the series is written specifically for the guys. I want to take a moment to say that both S. Heart and I are approaching the four year mark post discovery. We’d both say that we have recently seen some encouraging change in our husbands. We see glimmers of something new growing in their lives. I wanted to share an example. A friend in a support group who is also married to a good guy reached out to…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 6 of 9

January 7, 2022 Jane Dough

As I share about this season in our story, I feel the tone getting darker. I do believe there is hope, but recovery journeys can get worse before they get better. Ours did! And I think it needed to be that way to uncover real roots of the addiction. I don’t think many partners are prepared for that to happen, and it does quite a bit. If you need hope around this issue, hang with me. I promise in a…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 5 of 9

January 4, 2022 Jane Dough

A lot of girls are attracted to the bad boy type. I’ve always liked the nerd or nice guy in the crowd. I grew up around plenty of real life bad boys, and that was no life at all, in my book. I’ve watched countless women be abandoned by dead beat dads. So I went hard in the opposite direction. The opposite of the bad boy would be a grounded, authentic man, not a nice guy. Now we all know…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 4 of 9

December 19, 2021 Jane Dough

Part of what is so maddening about being in recovery with a nice guy is that you’re confronted with what looks like very kind and mature behavior alongside things like deception, betrayal, and even harmful behavior. Here is one duped wife’s account. Many unhealthy folks engaging in the latter kinds of things you can see coming from a mile away. Their lives are littered with broken relationships, immaturity, and aimlessness. Society hasn’t caught up to the notion that one can…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 2 of 9

December 13, 2021 Jane Dough

I find several things about Abdul Saad’s theories brilliant! Did this give you clarity that your spouse is more of one than the other or did you feel like he has characteristics of both a pseudo alpha male and a nice guy? Did he start out nice then become more alpha as he took the downward spiral that Saad talked about in video 5? The truth is that humans have created psychological classifications/categories to try and make sense of human…

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Nice Guy or Something Else? Part 1 of 9

December 7, 2021 Jane Dough

You might be in recovery with a “nice guy” if: He faithfully goes to therapy or group but you’re not sure what, if anything, is changing. You and everyone else was *shocked* that he had a secret life – especially a sexual one. Your therapist or coach has said “He’s a really great guy. I like him.” Your friends and family think you’re living the dream with Prince Charming. He never skips church – even when deep in addiction. He…

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Addiction 101, Part 13: Shame

October 18, 2021 Jane Dough

Shame is a force that is affecting your recovery and relationship, whether you’re conscious of it or not. Of all the topics covered in this series, getting a handle on shame will probably give you the most immediate relief. It took us a while to see shame for what it is. While this post won’t be exhaustive, it will lay out what we learned to make progress in putting shame in its place. The NUMBER ONE rule about shame is:…

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