One of the main reasons I wanted to start a blog is because there are some unique facets to my betrayal story that I don’t hear much about. I wanted to provide a connection point for others dealing with some of the same details as me to let you know that you aren’t alone. Don’t get me wrong, the “sameness” of our stories makes us feel sane and gives us hope to journey on. When I hear a betrayed wife’s…
I get it – the fear is REAL. We are dealing with serious consequences, devastating pain to the people we love the most, shame, public humiliation, being faced with possible divorce, job loss and more. Given the fact that our brains are in trauma-mode, how can we calm? I’ll never forget my first coach’s words: “Don’t let your circumstances make you doubt God’s nature.” God didn’t betray me, my husband did. 2 Timothy 4:17&18 “But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me… So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth. 18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.” Her advice,…
“I’ll be your lighthouse when you’re lost at sea. I will illuminate everything. No need to be frightened by intimacy. Throw off your fear and come running to me!”
“It’s been a hard year but I’m climbing out of the rubble. These lessons are hard, healing changes are subtle.”
In this series we’ve covered how trauma is more than suffering. Trauma acts like a sledgehammer on a person’s brain. Traumatized brains don’t function in an integrated manner, making it nearly impossible to process our new reality and heal. Your very survival and self-concept have suffered a mortal blow. We have a severely-decreased capacity to handle life… We must take the healing process seriously. Your brain, body, and heart must feel SAFE to heal. No matter what happens, you CAN…
In part 2, we looked at how trauma reduces our capacity. With that in mind, I want to share the six things I think are most important to healing betrayal trauma over time. This process will take years. However these trauma-healing practices are gold! God will use these things for your good for decades to come. They’re tools of healing you can pass onto to others, too! Your healing is your daily priority, not your husband’s sobriety and not the…
Marriage. What is it? Is it all rainbows and unicorns? Should we never show who we really are, what we really feel? Is our spouse supposed to be the “best friend”, the one we share our hopes and dreams with, the one who sees us in all our glory AND in all our messiness? Did we spend decades with someone whom we thought was that person only to find out that they weren’t that person at all? And now, now…
In part 1 we looked at how trauma and suffering are different. Chances are, you had survived many hardships before learning of your partner’s betrayal. But this feels different. You can’t snap back, you can’t face the people in your life like before, you feel as if you’ve lost yourself – past, present, and future. If you’re experiencing trauma due your partner’s infidelity, healing will look different than the hardships you’ve suffered in your life up to now. Trauma reduces…
After learning of your partner’s sex/p*rn addiction and/or infidelity, have you been experiencing some of these common symptoms of trauma: Sleep disturbance Nightmares Hypervigilance Loss of energy Loss of interest in things you previously enjoyed Crying Social Isolation Triggers Brain Fog Loss/Increase of appetite All-or-nothing, black-and-white, thinking on the extremes Sadly, betrayal trauma affects most partners. It’s important to know that being in a trauma state is different than mere suffering. Knowing the difference and applying the best healing measures…
“When I thought I lost me, you knew where I’d left me. You reintroduced me to your love. You picked up all my pieces and put me back together. You are the defender of my heart.”