Marriage. What is it? Is it all rainbows and unicorns? Should we never show who we really are, what we really feel? Is our spouse supposed to be the “best friend”, the one we share our hopes and dreams with, the one who sees us in all our glory AND in all our messiness? Did we spend decades with someone whom we thought was that person only to find out that they weren’t that person at all?

And now, now that the truth is out, has been out for almost three years, are we not allowed to see them as they truly were all of those decades instead of whom they pretended to be? And then, when we do see them for the choices they made, are we allowed to make judgments regarding those choices? Or, are we told that we are judging them?

I got hit between the eyes and the solar plexis this morning with that statement, “You are judging me.” I can honestly say, I did not “respond”–I “reacted” and turned into a devil woman from hell. Jesus was nowhere in the picture at all.

I left. I ran an errand. And I asked God, was I being judgmental? These were the thoughts He gave me:

Your husband:

When he was looking at pornography, he was judging you.

When he was masturbating to pornography, he was judging you.

When he was lusting after others, he was judging you.

When he was texting, emailing, calling, meeting his affair partners, he was judging you.

When he was most likely telling lies about you to his affair partners and/or hook-ups, he was judging you.

When he was coming home, starting arguments, distancing himself from you and your heart, he was judging you.

When he was not protecting you, your relationship, your marriage, your family, he was judging you.

And now, when he tells you that you are judging him because you are sharing your thoughts, feelings, hurts, and your heart with him regarding the choices he made throughout the three plus decades he deceived and lied to you about who he really was, he is judging you.”

Ladies, don’t fall for that lie. Live out your truth. You have been silent for too long. And he still wants you to be silent. He wants it all to go away. He wants you to see him as the man he pretended to be BEFORE you found out the truth of his choices. The truth that destroyed your heart.

If that is judgment, so be it.

S. Heart